On the Edge

I was deeply affected by a blog I recently read, written by Dr. Elizabeth Breuer, for KevinMD (here), regarding a comment made to her by an attending on a stressful night. It must have been a difficult experience for her, struggling to effectively care for her patients, while the negative label adhered to her psyche like a name tag. It's very unfortunate that the attending didn't catch herself...had she forgotten what it was like to be a stressed yet diligent resident? What if Dr. Breuer didn't have a support system or a blog to provide an outlet?

Dr. Breuer's experience is not limited to night float obstetrics. How many times have you been affected by a fleeting, yet hurtful remark? The "sticks and stones" adage may be a nice sentiment, but is unrealistic. As social creatures, humans are affected by what is said to us. We thrive on feedback, and it penetrates into the soul. When that soul is tired, grieving, stressed, wounded, or weak, words may be the fatal bullet. 


You never know what may be going on in someone's life. The grocery store checker may have just lost her mother. The doctor may have a special needs child. The student may be the victim of domestic abuse. The police officer may have just received a cancer diagnosis. When people appear to be competent and put together, we may trust the facade, and lash out nonchalantly. We may scan briefly for signs of trouble, and proceed with snide comments.

The problem? People in crisis often conceal their pain. Tears have a stigma of weakness, a manipulation, a "secret weapon" to garner favors. To protect ourselves, we don suits of armor, put on our best poker faces, and hide the crumbling foundation within. We overcompensate with strength…and it works, until that one final push. 

It could be a flippant remark from a co-worker. It could be a "dressing down" by a superior. It could be an angry tirade from a parent. It may even be a less personal action- closing the elevator in someones face, cutting them off, stealing a cab, etc. Cyberbullying suicides rarely occur after 1 incident. It takes repeated harassment, with the constant suppression of emotion, to nudge a victim to consider escape, until that final step. Will your poorly chosen words push someone over the edge?

Please, be kind. You just never know.